Finding Kristmas | Excerpt

What kind of sick game is God playing? Kristmas thought to herself as Deuce and her walked through the highlight of Bexley, GA: Bexley Square. After their game of one-on-one she was exhausted yet energized and starving yet full. She couldn’t believe she was once again in the presence of the reason she’d left Bexley and wanted to never return. And the moment she did, he’s there looking better than he did in high school which she didn’t think was possible. His medium brown skin glistened even in his somber state and the weight he’d put on was nothing but muscle. At an even six feet, Deuce was gorgeous with his oval shaped face, dark eyes, subtle beard, and smile of a god. His body was cut and beautiful artwork adorned the left side of his chest, abdomen and upper arm.

Everything about him sent chills through her body. The hate she once harbored disappear the moment her eyes laid on him. He held the switch to her heart that told it to let go of the hurt and remember the love.

But she wanted to remember the hurt.

“I can’t believe this shit-hole is still here,” Kristmas said as they strutted down a back alley to a gem. Kenny’s Fish House was where they could get the best southern style fried fish. Kristmas’ mouth drooled at the thought of the mouth watering catfish sandwich she would tear into with a side of cajun style shrimp.

“The best shit-hole in Bex. If Kenny ever closed this place down, I’d never come back to Bexley. This is the only reason I still do, and mom…” Deuce’s voice trailed off as if his mind clicked and reminded him of the painful truth. The strings of Kristmas’ heart tugged at him losing his mother. She’d known Jana Jacobs for more than half her life and it hurt she didn’t even get to say goodbye. After her closest friend, Yadah, told her about Ms. Jana declining health, Kristmas told herself she’d get in contact with her but kept putting it off. Now all she had left was the memories of the woman who helped her become a woman.

She met Ms. Jana at the YMCA one day and they hit it off. She was the reason she ever even met Deuce, and she didn’t know whether to thank her or hate her for creating such a masterpiece.

But she’d give anything to see and talk to her one last time.

Kristmas placed her hand up on Deuce’s shoulder and squeezed. She wanted to comfort him in whatever way he needed. His mother meant so much to him even when he complained about the pressure she’d always put on him. She was the valves of his heart and she couldn’t imagine his current state of mind. She’d never had parents to lose as she’d been a warden of the state from the moment she exited her mother’s vagina.

Deuce cleared his throat and placed their orders knowing what she wanted because one thing hadn’t changed about Kristmas was her food orders. A simple girl who stuck with what she liked. If it wasn’t broke, she wasn’t trying to fix it and Kenny’s fried catfish and shrimp combo was one of a kind.

“The vibe and everything is the same. Man I miss this place,” Kristmas said as they sat in a small booth in the back corner.

“Yup and he still got that finicky ass jukebox.” Deuce stuffed two of her cajun shrimp into his mouth as she stole some of his fries. Kristmas’ blood raced through her veins at the déjà vu moment. The eeriness of how they’d fallen back into normalcy. She never ordered fries, and he never ordered shrimp no matter how much they stole the other’s.

“I don’t know why I never get my own,” Deuce commented as he laughed at the face Kristmas gave him for taking more.

She popped his hand. “Me neither.”

“Your fat ass still can’t share.”

“Yet here we are.” She pointed between him and the shrimp in his mouth causing him to laugh. It was boisterous and a bit annoying but she loved it all the same. “Glad I can make you laugh.”

“You always had that effect,” he admitted and Kristmas cheeks lit up like a Christmas tree. “And I need it. God must have knew that.”

She nodded as the sides of her mouth raised higher. He still valued God as much as she remembered. For him it had always been God, family, basketball, and she admired that about him. Spirituality but not religion was something she embraced. She believed in God and that everything happened because of the path you’re given.

“Happy to help. Honestly, I can’t believe we’re sitting here together after all the years that have passed. It’s mind boggling.” She bit into her sandwich and savored each chew. Kenny put every part of his body into making his fried fish.

“And honestly the moment I saw you, I thought you would rip my head off.”

Kristmas placed her sandwich down and covered her mouth as she chewed. “Still a possibility,” she said with a giggle. “But I never imagined this moment. I guess I hoped I’d never see you again.” The truth laced her words. After what a typical high schooler would consider a terrible breakup, Kristmas ran away with the intentions of staying clear of all that was Jonathan ‘Deuce’ Jacobs forever. She never watched his basketball team play, and she avoided any conversations with Lakers fans.

Out of sight and out of mind worked for her mental.

“Damn,” Deuce said sucking in air. “You still don’t hold back.”

Kristmas frowned. “You’d be surprised how much I did over the years.” She had no intention of furthering the conversation with the mistake she’d made after him but his statement was far from the truth. Kristmas had learned to bite her tongue and ignore her opinion. She hated the person she’d become with her recent ex and wanted to be the free spirited girl she was when she was in love with Deuce.

She had to find that girl again and being around him seemed to bring it out a little.

“That would be a surprise. Someone taming you,” he said with an unreadable tone as he checked his phone.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he said placing it back down. “Funeral arrangements and stuff.” A sigh escaped his mouth as he bounced a fry up and down. “Ma already has everything set to how she wants it and we’ll honor her last wish.”

“Same ol’ Ms. Jana.”

“Yeah that woman never changed. OCD as a mothafucker.” The two shared a nice laugh at the expense of his mother. Deuce reached out and placed his hand over hers. “I can’t thank you enough for this. I know I’ve said it but it means a lot.”

“Deuce I wouldn’t leave you during this time even with our past.”

He kissed her hand and stole another shrimp. “You drink?” he asked standing to his feet. “Because I need something strong tonight.”

No, I need something strong. “Yeah, bring me whatever you get.”

A bottle of Crown Apple and two hours later, Kristmas’ breath hitched in her throat when Deuce asked her to dance. She wasn’t sure about Deuce, but every ounce of the liquor had saturated her body and every stare he sent her way made her wet. Her body knew who he was, and it reacted to him in a way that embarrassed her. She felt like a horny sixteen-year-old girl again every time he touched her. Electric waves shocked her with each movement.

“Dance?” she repeated.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because no one else is,” she sniggered motioning around the restaurant.

“We’re not everyone else, we never have been.”

Her heart palpitated at words she hadn’t heard in ages. Something they always said to one another when the other compared them to someone or something. They were always a rare breed together.

“I got something for you,” Deuce said and walked off to the jukebox. She watched as he fetched some change out of his pockets and put it into the machine. Kristmas joined him and laughed when she saw him choosing one of her favorite Christmas songs but like old times, the jukebox got stuck. Deuce hit the side of the machine and instead of playing “Last Christmas” by Wham it played “Outstanding” by The Gap Band. “Oh shit now! Look at God,” Deuce said grabbing her hand as he two stepped.

Kristmas palmed her face and threw her head back, laughing. Deuce was an old soul at heart and had always been thanks to his dad. He loved the oldies music and blasted it more than the latest songs on the billboard charts. “Oh Lord,” Kristmas said as she mimicked his movements.

“What y’all young bucks know about this good music?” One of Kenny’s regulars yelled at them.

“Enough,” Deuce said back. “You blow my mind,” he sang the lyrics and Kristmas wanted to look everywhere but at him. “Outstanding, girl you knock me out!” He did something to her and it was worse than when they were teenage lovers. His soul spoke to hers and it scared her.

How did he still have that pull on her?

He spun her around and pulled her to him. “I really love the way you love me. Forever I’ll be yours…“ he crooned into her ear. They swayed to the beat and Kristmas allowed herself to relax.

When the song ended, the jukebox played “Last Christmas” and Kristmas couldn’t contain her joy as she took the reins of belting out the words. They moved around each other on their makeshift dance floor and in that moment, Kristmas wished the circumstances were different.

He had her torn. Her heart felt one way but her mind told her she should feel another. He’d broke her and though they were young, dumb, naïve, and stupid — they knew what love was. They had shared love and been each other firsts of many.

Getting lost in the spirit of one another, Kristmas pressed her backside into him as she grinded against him while “Saturday Love” by Cherrelle and Alexander O’Neal played. Deuce arms held her to him and he did not hide the effect she had on his body. The song told the story of the moment.

“You still smell the same,” he commented. His nose grazed her neck and her body flinched at his touch. “Still turns me on.” Kristmas tensed at his words. She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, staring into his eyes. They told a story of pain and she wanted to rid him of it. “X, I want to have you again. If only for tonight.” A breath got stuck in her throat as her lips parted. “Can I?”

She said nothing as her head nodded at its own volition.